Hokistan

"I want to be a dictator."
What started as a typical dream for an 8-year old male soon blossomed into one of the greatest triumphs in the history of civilized nations. As a young man, William Hoke (from this point on, to be referred to as His Holy Protectorate of Hokistan, or HHPH) desired to rule his own country. As luck would have it, Yugolsavia divided into many separate countries. While several of those countries sold on eBay for a nominal fee, HHPH decided that his destiny would be fulfilled by being elected by the people (an idea he stole from the United States of America - a world power second only to Hokistan). After traveling the countryside of Kosovo to get support, he oversaw the first true democratic election - and what an election it was! Stealing from his liberal counterparts in his native country, he made his multiple false promises and validated the victim role to the point that he won the election with 93% of the common vote!! Within weeks, he determined that now that he was in power, "democracy" didn't really fit the model that he had planned for Kosovo. He then decided that the best thing for his country (and himself) would be to rename the country and change the political infrastructure. Hence, Kosovo became known as "Hokistan." As to be expected, public sentiment was mixed. Yet once again, he made promises to the people to ease their qualms. "A car in every garage, a chicken in every pot, and a toothbrush in every bathroom" was one of the more popular phrases during this public relations campaign. After the new government took effect, that is when the Hokistanis realized that they didn't have cars, much less garages for the most part. The toothbrushes, they were told, were backordered. They also were short on pots. Fortunately for the Hokistanis, the HHPH is a benovelent man, and has lowered the income tax rate to a mere 88%. He has also started programs to help communities, such as adding flouride to the drinking water. After studying politics in his native country, the HHPH decided that what would be best for Hokistan would be that no other person be part of his government. This, he decided, would curb the governmental waste and abuse. He then appointed himself to every available cabinet position. He also made up a few more, and then gave himself a nice raise. Not forgetting his roots, he still sends back $8.12 in taxes to his native country, the United States, to keep foreign relations high. He has also started a nuclear program for energy, and now the UN is paying Hokistan NOT to develop it...